I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Two words: blizzard sex
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
