Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
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