I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
