Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
