there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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