I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
My day in three words: secret purse cake
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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