thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
