Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
