What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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