She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
