i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
