happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
