Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
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You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
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I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet