I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.