I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
These 23 People Share the Worst Advice They’ve Been Given
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.