there's paper in my vomit.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.