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• (513): View more from Ohio

  Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right

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• (636): View more from Missouri

  I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.

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• (410): View more from Maryland

  I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile

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• (863): View more from Florida

  In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.

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• 

  23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce

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• (210): View more from Texas

  when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"

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• (541): View more from Oregon

  the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?

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• (229): View more from Georgia

  I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.

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• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  Yeah. It's not just the beard either.

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• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."

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• 

  The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (909): View more from California

  I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him

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• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.

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• (302): View more from Delaware

  I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.

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• (818): View more from California

  my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it

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• (208): View more from Idaho

  He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me

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• (608): View more from Wisconsin

  You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug

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