I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
