DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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