this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
