I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
