I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
