i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
