Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
