He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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