I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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