Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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