just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
