Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
