I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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