Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Randomize
