T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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