I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize