why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
