Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
