You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
