he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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