then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
