I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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