I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
