I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
