I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize