yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
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Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
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Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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