I think im going to throw up on grandma
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
