some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
