I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
