last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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