Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
