Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
