sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
