Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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