I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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