Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
