My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
tell me about the fingering
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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