Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
