we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
