Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
