I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
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