ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
