I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
