Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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