My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
