T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
