the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Randomize
