I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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