I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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