Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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